What the ...: An Ongoing Series

That feeling when you draw a perfectly buildable detail that gets rejected in May, and then after much sound and fury pursuing the alternate detail, is revisited as the new idea in the following January.

I just ... it is so frustrating to deal with these changes and on top of the changes the bad attitude and nasty remarks from the client, and then END UP RIGHT WHERE WE STARTED NINE MONTHS AGO.

YOU CAN MAKE A NEW HUMAN BEING IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME.

What the ...: An Ongoing Series

Importing our consultant's BIM into our model:

8 MILES

Shutting that Sh*t Down: In Action!

The sad truth is, there is no shortage of opportunities to shut bigoted and derogatory language down. Today's example: a phone call with a contractor, which he thought was with just one person but was in fact on speakerphone.

Blake (not his name), who thought he was only talking to my boss instead of the full internal project team, told a story about a past friend-turned-client who asked the same question at every single meeting. The question was fairly innocuous - is there a problem with pouring concrete foundations in winter? Blake was getting increasingly frustrated by this repetition, since he was giving the same answer - yes, as long as it's above 10 degrees; we do this work all the time - every time the question was asked. Finally, he told the client, "Please stop asking this question. I've answered it the same way every time." And then went on to say that the client's "pussy husband" spoke to Blake after the meeting and was upset at how he dressed her down. And further added, "I'm sorry, but I have to put it this way, her husband was wearing women's underwear --"

I interjected at this point with a sharp "Woah woah woah!" and as soon as I had, the contractor exclaimed "I didn't know I was speaking to the whole office!" and my boss switched the phone off of speaker, and made some remark about "Blake's man-talk."

Here's the litmus test, fellas: Are you upset to learn that your female / black / gay / trans / disabled / immigrant / etc. colleagues heard something you thought you were saying to "just one of the guys?" Next time, SHUT UP.

What the...: An Ongoing Series

The kitchen consultant: "We want to make sure our client is ecstatic about the finished product."

~pregnant pause~

The architect: "I have a hard time imagining our client being ecstatic about anything. Maybe we should shoot for pleased, or satisfied."

What the... : An Ongoing Series

A thought that just passed through my mind about half an hour ago:

10am is too early for harmonicas in this office.

What the ...: An Ongoing Series

My colleague sent this image to me out of the blue with the caption: I'M COMING FOR YOU.

Eli and Edythe Broad Art Museum, by Zaha Hadid Architects

and all I could think was

What the... An Ongoing Series

Pro-tip: If you are a (sub)contractor on a project, DON'T TAKE A PISS IN THE STAIRWELL OF THE BUILDING YOU ARE CONSTRUCTING DURING NORMAL WORKING HOURS WHEN THE ARCHITECT IS VISITING THE SITE.

What the... An Ongoing Series

When a contractor says "this is the drop-dead date for upgrades" on a new construction condo building, and your client gives confusing upgrade information a week after that drop-dead date, and then new and different information three months after that drop-dead date, and then yet again new and different information a whopping six months after that drop-dead date, you probably don't drop everything to get the details figured out that third time.

But you might decide to crack open the whiskey under the sink and put a slug in your afternoon coffee...

 

What the...: An Ongoing Series

A cheeky comment from a GC:

GINGERLY.

What the...: An Ongoing Series

New favorite typo (regarding carpet thicknesses):

"Do all of these dimensions include pudding?"

What the... : An Ongoing Series

Client: We're very concerned about sound transmission between the bathroom and the office.

 Architect: Okay, we have sound batt in the wall, Quietrock on the walls, and we can add caulk at the framing edges.

Client: Also, we want to recess a television in the wall right at the water closet. Literally, as close as possible to the plumbing stack, without moving the plumbing.

Architect: *facepalm*

What The... : An Ongoing Series

You know it's time to update your general notes when your masonry section references Isokern fireplaces and limestone door thresholds on a commercial warehouse project that has neither fireplaces nor limestone.

#2017FirmGoals

What The... : An Ongoing Series

WHY DO YOU WANT THREE TELEVISIONS IN YOUR LIVING ROOM. I DIDN'T DESIGN A BUFFALO WILD WINGS FOR YOU, FFS.

Lessons from the Field

Over the years I have been astonished anew to discover some things I thought could go unsaid need saying. Here are just a few  of those nuggets of wisdom.

Vendor information in your materials library should not be old enough to vote, or worse, run for office.

What the...: An Ongoing Series

"Remember that change that I made to my house four months ago that you thought was stupid? Well, you were right and now I want to undo it. But it can't affect the construction schedule. What do you mean, the lead time on the window we'd have to order is 12-14 weeks?" 

What the...: An Ongoing Series

"That detail that you're worried about now that the client has changed their mind for the 19th time on this item? I've been told we're no longer supposed to care."

Dear Friends:

Your architect wants to make sure you're happy and that all the parts and pieces of the project are thought through and coordinated. Please don't abuse your architect working on your house to the point where he or she might say this out loud.

Best,
The Architectrix

What the...: an ongoing series

New strategy for client changes during the construction phase: shouting PLOT TWIST!

What the..: An Ongoing Series

Dear Clients: When I write "TYP." in my notes, I don't mean "challenge accepted."

What the... : an ongoing series

NEW RFI 688: Provide layout of Gnomes for placement in tableland.

What the...: an ongoing series

"That $10K refrigerator you like is indoor-rated; if you keep it in that open cabana at your lakefront residence (in a suburb north of Chicago) it WILL fail and could possibly electrocute someone."

"Still gonna do it anyways! 😁 "