 |
| 8 MILES |
Monday, December 10, 2018
Monday, November 26, 2018
Shutting that Sh*t Down: In Action!
The sad truth is, there is no shortage of opportunities to shut bigoted and derogatory language down. Today's example: a phone call with a contractor, which he thought was with just one person but was in fact on speakerphone.
Blake (not his name), who thought he was only talking to my boss instead of the full internal project team, told a story about a past friend-turned-client who asked the same question at every single meeting. The question was fairly innocuous - is there a problem with pouring concrete foundations in winter? Blake was getting increasingly frustrated by this repetition, since he was giving the same answer - yes, as long as it's above 10 degrees; we do this work all the time - every time the question was asked. Finally, he told the client, "Please stop asking this question. I've answered it the same way every time." And then went on to say that the client's "pussy husband" spoke to Blake after the meeting and was upset at how he dressed her down. And further added, "I'm sorry, but I have to put it this way, her husband was wearing women's underwear --"
I interjected at this point with a sharp "Woah woah woah!" and as soon as I had, the contractor exclaimed "I didn't know I was speaking to the whole office!" and my boss switched the phone off of speaker, and made some remark about "Blake's man-talk."
Blake (not his name), who thought he was only talking to my boss instead of the full internal project team, told a story about a past friend-turned-client who asked the same question at every single meeting. The question was fairly innocuous - is there a problem with pouring concrete foundations in winter? Blake was getting increasingly frustrated by this repetition, since he was giving the same answer - yes, as long as it's above 10 degrees; we do this work all the time - every time the question was asked. Finally, he told the client, "Please stop asking this question. I've answered it the same way every time." And then went on to say that the client's "pussy husband" spoke to Blake after the meeting and was upset at how he dressed her down. And further added, "I'm sorry, but I have to put it this way, her husband was wearing women's underwear --"
I interjected at this point with a sharp "Woah woah woah!" and as soon as I had, the contractor exclaimed "I didn't know I was speaking to the whole office!" and my boss switched the phone off of speaker, and made some remark about "Blake's man-talk."
Here's the litmus test, fellas: Are you upset to learn that your female / black / gay / trans / disabled / immigrant / etc. colleagues heard something you thought you were saying to "just one of the guys?" Next time, SHUT UP.
Friday, November 2, 2018
Your silence is tacit approval
I just had a little teaching moment with a younger male colleague about shutting down an inappropriate "joke" that came on a call he had with a general contractor about a female design team member.
His position (and I think many men go this route when they aren't taught to do otherwise) was to remain silent. As he put it, "do not engage." What he didn't realize, and I know he's not alone in this, is that his silence is tacit approval of this kind of "joke."
The burden of objecting to sexist or racist or ableist or other derogatory "jokes" often falls to the people in the oppressed group, while the people who can leverage their social privilege remain quiet. I will object all the live-long day when someone makes "jokes" like this in my presence, but I know it has more power when that objection comes from someone who has more privilege to leverage. I might get written off as "oh, she's just PMSing" or "she's hormonal" or "it must be that time of the month" or some other sexist nonsense if I speak up, but my white straight cis male colleague will be taken more seriously.
Men out there: gender equity in the workplace is not the burden of women and non-binary people alone. You need to speak up.
White people out there: racial equity in the workplace is not the burden of black and brown people alone. You need to speak up.
Straight people out there: sexual identity equity in the workplace is not the burden of LGBTQ+ people alone. You need to speak up.
Able-bodied people out there: ableist equity in the workplace is not the burden of disabled people alone. You need to speak up.
His position (and I think many men go this route when they aren't taught to do otherwise) was to remain silent. As he put it, "do not engage." What he didn't realize, and I know he's not alone in this, is that his silence is tacit approval of this kind of "joke."
The burden of objecting to sexist or racist or ableist or other derogatory "jokes" often falls to the people in the oppressed group, while the people who can leverage their social privilege remain quiet. I will object all the live-long day when someone makes "jokes" like this in my presence, but I know it has more power when that objection comes from someone who has more privilege to leverage. I might get written off as "oh, she's just PMSing" or "she's hormonal" or "it must be that time of the month" or some other sexist nonsense if I speak up, but my white straight cis male colleague will be taken more seriously.
Men out there: gender equity in the workplace is not the burden of women and non-binary people alone. You need to speak up.
White people out there: racial equity in the workplace is not the burden of black and brown people alone. You need to speak up.
Straight people out there: sexual identity equity in the workplace is not the burden of LGBTQ+ people alone. You need to speak up.
Able-bodied people out there: ableist equity in the workplace is not the burden of disabled people alone. You need to speak up.
Time to rock that boat. (And while you're at it, rock the vote!)
Monday, October 29, 2018
Please won't you be my neighbor.
The mass murder at Tree of Life Synagogue this past Saturday is tragic, and infuriating, and crushingly close to home for me - I'm from Pittsburgh, grew up in Squirrel Hill, was active in the Jewish community. Although my family only belonged to that congregation for a short while, my sister's Bat-Mitzvah was at Tree of Life and we have friends and neighbors who attend services there.
As a Pittsburgher I'd like to point out something that may not be common knowledge.
Fred Rogers' house is just down the street from Tree of Life. This mass shooting, this hate-filled act of anti-semitism that took the lives of 11 people and irrevocably changed the lives of countless more, literally took place in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.
Election Day is almost upon us. Please, please, please vote. Please.
As a Pittsburgher I'd like to point out something that may not be common knowledge.
Fred Rogers' house is just down the street from Tree of Life. This mass shooting, this hate-filled act of anti-semitism that took the lives of 11 people and irrevocably changed the lives of countless more, literally took place in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.
Election Day is almost upon us. Please, please, please vote. Please.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Stereotyping
I had a meeting last week with a client to review his custom wardrobe designs. We were looking at eyeglasses compartment inserts and comparing the standard sizes with the drawer widths in his particular closet to figure out how many eyeglasses he could store in the configuration the wardrobe designer was proposing.
He pulls out a pair of glasses from his pocket, folds them onto the table, and says "These are what, 9 or 10 inches wide?"
...
They were 5 inches wide, and it was all I could do to stop myself from laughing out loud.
He pulls out a pair of glasses from his pocket, folds them onto the table, and says "These are what, 9 or 10 inches wide?"
...
They were 5 inches wide, and it was all I could do to stop myself from laughing out loud.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
What the...: An Ongoing Series
The kitchen consultant: "We want to make sure our client is ecstatic about the finished product."
~pregnant pause~
The architect: "I have a hard time imagining our client being ecstatic about anything. Maybe we should shoot for pleased, or satisfied."
Monday, August 13, 2018
What the... : An Ongoing Series
A thought that just passed through my mind about half an hour ago:
10am is too early for harmonicas in this office.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)